My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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