look no pants
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
