captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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