Three words: puerto rican gang bang
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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