omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
