Sponge bath it is.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
