I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
