Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize