wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
