So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
