and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
