I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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