just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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