At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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