she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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