at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
