based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
