Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
