im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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