So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
