I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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