just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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