So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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