I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
