his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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