I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
