trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
