I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
