you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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