Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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