What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
