"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
