Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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