She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
