Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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