how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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