my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
