FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
