I'm gonna have a badass scar
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
