I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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