I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize