were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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