Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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