What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize