His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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