I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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