how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
