There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
