my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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