There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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