New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
