Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
