I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
