if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
