i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
