He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
