That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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