I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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