I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
