You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
