she was so not down for the gang bang
I puked a lego.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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