1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They have beer where we have blood.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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