There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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