I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We're too hungover to prance.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
