i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
