Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize