I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Boobs are out for the taking
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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