found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
cat food counts as protein by the way
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
