So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
