Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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